Lecture by Paramahansa Yogananda (Sypnosis)

Life often feels like a balancing act where we are constantly juggling our own needs with the expectations of everyone around us. We move through various experiences, and as we do, it becomes clear that we need to live more consciously and with a deeper sense of understanding if we want to navigate this world more effectively. When we look at history and the way civilizations have evolved, it is obvious that humans have a bit of a dual nature: we are individuals who crave our own space, but we are also social creatures who naturally form groups and clans. Finding the sweet spot between these two tendencies is key, as too much time alone or too much social interaction can both lead to a lack of happiness. This balance is something that is actually rooted in a higher principle, reflecting a duality seen even in the divine.

The Divine Duality

To understand how to get along with the world, it helps to look at the concept of how the universe itself functions. On one hand, there is a side to the divine that is completely self-sufficient and exists in total silence, far beyond the reach of the stars or the noise of human thoughts. This aspect is complete within itself, satisfied and undisturbed by any vibration or light. In this state of “uncreated nothingness,” it is easy to get along because there is no one else to disagree with.

However, there is another side that is incredibly active and diverse. This same essence is present in the birds, the flowers, the fish, and the millions of human beings on this planet. It governs the electromagnetic laws and the complex rules that keep the universe running. This means that even the highest consciousness has to “get along” with a vast variety of creations that sometimes seem to contradict one another. In the grand scheme of things, there is no real difference between these diverse parts of life, even though they look different, like a tiger and its prey. This ultimate perception is one of harmony and eclectic activity. If we are to follow this example, we have to learn how to get along with both our own internal selves and the people around us.

Mastering The Relationship With Yourself

It might sound strange, but the most difficult person you will ever have to get along with is yourself. Most people focus on how hard it is to deal with others, but they rarely stop to think about the internal conflict they carry. If you can separate your psychological perceptions from who you really are, you might notice that you are constantly at war with yourself. The truth is, if you don’t like yourself, you won’t truly like anyone or anything else. Learning to appreciate and love yourself is the first step toward getting along with the rest of the world.

When we talk about loving yourself, it isn’t about feeding your ego, being selfish, or focusing only on self-interest. While self-preservation is a natural instinct, the real goal is to love the “potential” self – the part of you that has divine potential and a soul nature waiting to unfold. You can’t run away from yourself; even if you fled to the furthest corner of the earth, you would still be there. This is why the best place to start making changes is exactly where you are right now.

Many people wait for their circumstances to change before they try to find peace, but that is a trap. If you wait for the perfect environment, you will never make progress. You have to be able to say, “I am all right in spite of my environment”. If you want to improve your mind or find time for quiet reflection, you have to find a way to do it regardless of what is happening around you. There’s a story from India about a man who was fluent in eighteen languages but was so poor he couldn’t afford a lamp. Instead of complaining, he sat under a street light at night to study. The lesson here is that where there is a will, there is a way, and there is no excuse for not working on yourself. You are the only one who truly knows if you are at peace with yourself because you can hide your internal struggles from others very easily. Real inner peace comes from learning how to behave and mastering your internal world.

The Role Of Conscience and Emotional Stability

One of the biggest obstacles to getting along with yourself is emotional restlessness or bad habits. If your conscience is constantly telling you that you are doing something wrong, it is impossible to be at peace. This internal conflict also spills over into your relationships with others; people won’t trust you if you don’t trust yourself, and that lack of trust reflects in your character. Your conscience is like an inner voice that prods you to do the right thing. You can try to ignore it or blunt it, but it won’t stay quiet forever. Eventually, the consequences of ignoring your conscience – whether through personal regret or external laws – will catch up with you. Listening to that inner voice is essential for self-harmony.

Another vital practice is maintaining an even mind. No matter what you experience, try to face it with a steady disposition. This doesn’t mean being spineless or lacking excitement; it means practicing calmness. It is perfectly fine to enjoy good things, but don’t let them make you over-excited. Similarly, when sadness or trouble comes, accept it with strength and focus on how to overcome it rather than letting it make you restless and distressed. Most people live in a state of constant restlessness, but the foundation of a good life is built on even-mindedness. This balance is what allows great figures in history to deal with massive crowds and intense trials without losing their center.

Deep Thinking and Common Sense

To truly get along with yourself, you need to control your thoughts. Many people live very superficially, with their minds hopping from one idea to another like a restless bird. But real knowledge is found by “deep sea diving” into the ocean of thought. Deep thinkers tend to be happier because they can mentally step away from the noise and disturbances of their environment. If you have a difficult problem, don’t just stay on the surface; ponder it deeply. When you go deep enough, you often find a solution and a sense of peace. This depth of thought is actually a corridor to a higher state of consciousness.

Even people who aren’t specifically seeking a spiritual path can find happiness through deep thinking because it opens up their intuitive perception. On the other hand, living superficially or in ignorance is one of the greatest mistakes one can make. Instead of wasting time in idleness, it is better to do something useful and constructive that broadens your perspective. Deep thinking prepares you mentally to handle difficult circumstances in a way that feels more balanced and directed.

However, deep thinking must be paired with common sense. Common sense is an intuitive feeling that tells you exactly what to do in a situation. It’s no use thinking deeply about a problem if you don’t take action when it’s needed. For example, if someone is sick, you shouldn’t just meditate on the situation until it’s too late to call a doctor; you have to use your discrimination to act. Everyone has this power of common sense within them, but few people take the time to develop it.

Controlling Desires and Valuing Time

Another key to internal peace is controlling your senses and desires. Some people try to “burn all their candles at once” by overindulging in every whim, but this only leads to nervousness, anger, and a lack of joy. A person who is controlled by their senses can never be truly satisfied. True self-mastery means being able to say “no” to temptations and “yes” to the right actions and sticking to those decisions.

Time is also incredibly precious. Wasting time on useless activities is like squandering a fortune. Instead, staying busy with a focus on higher consciousness or meaningful work keeps you from being distracted by the trivialities of life. Living a simple life with inner contentment is a kind of heaven on earth. Even if you participate in normal activities, like going to a movie, you can do so while remaining inwardly connected to a larger sense of purpose rather than getting lost in the “screen” of the world.

The Art Of Getting Along With Others

Once you have started to master the art of getting along with yourself, you can turn your attention to getting along with others. This is a difficult art, and the best place to start is right at home. There is an old saying about being a “street angel and a house devil,” meaning some people are nice to strangers but difficult with their own families. If you can learn to be harmonious with the people you live with, you are better equipped for the rest of the world.

When problems arise in relationships, the first step is to look at yourself. Instead of immediately blaming others, think deeply and see if your own behavior or attitude is the problem. If you deserve criticism, work to correct yourself. Example always speaks louder than words. If you want someone else to change, the most effective thing you can do is change yourself first and set a good example.

Getting along with people doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone or sacrifice your own ideals. You can maintain your principles without being offensive or repugnant to others. It’s about being firm in what you believe while still being respectful. Ultimately, your primary goal should be to live up to your own ideals and please your conscience. It is much better to be at peace with your inner self even if the world disagrees with you, rather than being loved by everyone but feeling hollow inside.

Dealing With Conflict and Anger

One of the most practical steps in getting along with others is learning how to stay calm when people try to provoke you. You should make a firm decision that no matter what happens, no one will be able to make you angry. This requires self-control, but it becomes easier if you truly commit to it. It’s also important not to boast about your self-control, as that can sometimes tempt others to test you. And don’t just act calm on the outside while “seething” on the inside – that’s not real peace.

Anger usually happens because a desire we have has been contradicted. When someone else can make you mad, it shows they have power over your emotions. In these situations, don’t be a “doormat” and let people run your life, but don’t fight back with anger either. The best approach is to remain quiet but firm. Refuse to join in a quarrel. If someone is losing their temper, it’s often best to simply walk away until they have calmed down. Communication is important, but if the other person only wants to fight, just take a walk. No one can argue with you if you refuse to participate in the conflict.

Tact, Sincerity, and Influence

Using tact is also essential. This isn’t about being a hypocrite; it’s about having consideration for other people’s feelings. Don’t treat others like unfeeling stones. Great people rarely waste time arguing; they might just smile and disagree quietly without starting a fight. Also, try not to meddle in other people’s business, as that is a major cause of difficulty.

When you learn to live in harmony, your life starts to have a “fragrance” that uplifts others. On the flip side, people who are always angry and looking for a fight are like “human skunks” who make everyone around them uncomfortable. In any group, you can usually see two types of people: those trying to better themselves and those who start trouble by trying to change everyone else.

There is a story about two women who were known for gossiping and causing trouble in various organizations. When they tried to disrupt a banquet and later an entire center, they were given a test. They were each told a “secret” and asked to keep it, but they both immediately went out and told everyone else. This was done to show them that their own characters were the problem, not the people they were criticizing. They were told that because they couldn’t be trusted, they weren’t yet qualified to be leaders or teachers. Remarkably, when confronted with the truth in a calm and sincere way, they actually changed their behavior and became humble students. This shows that you can get along with even difficult people by using tact, example, and honesty rather than anger.

The Danger Of Flattery and The Value Of Respect

Sincerity is the foundation of any good relationship. While everyone likes to be encouraged and recognized for their good qualities, flattery is dangerous. When someone gives flattery just to get something in return, it destroys the character of both people involved. There was once a wealthy student who wanted to give a lot of money to a cause but also wanted to control and “teach” everyone rather than learn. He was told that his money wasn’t wanted if it meant having to flatter him or ignore his bad behavior. He predicted that everything would fall apart without his financial support, but he was told that, on the contrary, he might lose his own fortune if he continued on his path. Eventually, he went to another group that flattered him, and they ended up taking all his money. This serves as a reminder that sincerity is much more valuable than any material gain.

Relationships should be built on respect, not over-familiarity. There is a saying that “familiarity breeds contempt,” and taking people for granted can ruin a friendship. When you are with people, give them your full attention, love, and sincerity. But when you are alone, really be alone. Don’t just hang out with people for no reason; make sure your social interactions are worthwhile and uplifting. If someone or something creates constant inharmony, it’s okay to keep your distance.

Developing Habits For Peace

These lessons are easiest to learn when we are young, but they can be adopted at any age. Developing a habit of being pleasant and having a sincere smile – the kind that comes from the heart and not just a practiced movement of the face – can make you much more attractive and approachable to others. Sincerity is something people can feel.

If you are a person of peace, no one can take that away from you unless you let them. Even if you have to speak firmly sometimes to get a point across, you can do it without being angry on the inside. Kindness and love are always the better way to teach or influence others. And if you find that people don’t want to follow a path of truth or kindness, don’t try to force them. Just leave them alone and stay silent. It is more important to be an “instrument of truth” and speak the truth even if there are unpleasant consequences.

The Ultimate Goal

At the end of the day, the most important relationship you have is with the absolute – the source of all life. You can tell if you are getting along with this higher principle if you feel a sense of inner happiness, contentment, and a quiet conscience. If you feel restless or unhappy, it’s a sign that something is out of sync.

The more you work on your internal peace, the better you will get along with the world. Even if people turn away from you for a while, they will eventually see the value in the way you live your life. The things we build in our own souls and the souls of others are the only things that truly last. Seeking this kind of internal treasure is the most fulfilling pursuit possible. No matter what trials or disappointments you face, don’t be discouraged. The goal is to reach a state of freedom and joy that is beyond description. By practicing sincerity, adhering to inner laws, and seeking to help others with peace and understanding, you can find a harmony that lasts forever.

Full lecture here.